Thursday post

Assalamualaikum & good morning everyone!

I'm in my room right now, bcs I don't have any classes today. I'm bored and I don't know what to do, I'm just done with my scholarship application just now. If Allah wills, I'll be accepted to get the scholarship. Anyways, I am looking forward to go home tomorrow right after my classes end at 12.30 p.m. 

Yesterday, mama asked me if I wanted to go home after class since I had only one class at 10.30 a.m. I took the longest time to think and to make the decision whether or not to go home. But after much consideration, I decided to stay bcs 1) I wanted to go to the book bazaar at law faculty yesterday, 2) I had a co-curricular activity this evening and 3) I have a program organised by the college tonight at 08.00 p.m. So there you go, the reasons why I chose to stay at the college. Oh one more reason is bcs my friend asked me to stay so we can hang out and eat together lol. 

I reaaaaally wanna go home tomorrow, regardless of anything that's going to happen. Haha rebellious betul ni. But I need someone to take me out right now bcs I'm bored being alone in my room. H e l p  :(

Of my unstable emotions

Assalamualaikum everyone!

I'm in my room, sitting on my bed as I'm typing this. I had only one class at 1030 a.m this morning bcs the other two are tutorial classes & they won't be held until next month if I'm not mistaken. So here I am in my room, all alone. Two of my roommates are having classes, and the other one is washing her laundry in the bathroom.

Lately I've been feeling so low and sad, and I don't even have the answer to why this is happening to me. I guess it's bcs of the changes that I am having here. Everything is so.. DIFFERENT. I know & I admit, changes are good. Sometimes being different is better. But for me, I hate changes. Especially when I have to be independent and being apart from my friends. I feel sad. I cannot handle this.

Ever since I got here, I can count on one hand the nights that I spend in my room. Most of the nights, I'll be in Kajang & be with my family. Being the manja & clingy me, I would cry if I feel alone and if I miss my family. In my head, there's my lecturer's words when we were in kuantan, "kt shah alam nnti lg tough. Kalau you rase kuantan ni susah, kt sana lg susah. You kena rebut naik bas, penat jalan. Kena jd kuat baru boleh survive kt sana."

Now I know what she meant. She was here for 4 years, doing her degree and master both in Uitm shah alam. She said she was struggling her study years to survive here. Now, I somehow feel what she felt. Although it has just been 2 weeks since I got here. Kalau nk survive, kena jadi kuat. You have to be very very strong in order to compete and be among people. Otherwise, you'll be left out. You'll be left alone. I personally think that I'm not strong. Not strong enough to face this. Idk when I can start to accept and embrace everything, but I know that the "when" is not now.

Till then, pray for me xx

Occupied

Assalamualaikum again!

As I'm already in Uni again now, I am somehow occupied to do things such as socializing on the net and going out. For example, if I have classes at the faculty, I would have to leave my room at least half an hour before to wait for the bus or to walk. But most of the time this week, I walked to class. Simply bcs waiting for the bus to arrive in front of our college is already tiring and a waste of time. So walking it is.

In Kuantan, if there's a gap of half an hour, it's enough to allow me to go back to my room to rest or to change or to eat something light. But now in Shah Alam, even a two hours gap won't work bcs my room is so far away it's approximately 1km from the faculty. Just imagine. That's one of the things that makes me miss Kuantan so badly. Please ya Allah, just let me go back there and enjoy my time being in that place. 

So sad I just wanna bury myself alive. 

Anyways, I wanted to do a book review of If I Stay since last week, but never had the time to do so. So in sha Allah, if I ever have the time to do it next week, I will. I'm starting to lose the memory of what the book is all about hehe. But don't worry, If I have the time, I'll do it. If Allah wills.

I've started my class since Wednesday, which was Law 435 (Law of Torts) at 10.30 a.m. It was fine, just an introduction though. The lecturer for that subject is so funny and cute. But I'm somehow scared and nervous to start studying again. All is well, I hope. On Friday, I had two classes. Ctu 551 (Islamic Studies) at 08.30 a.m, and Law 437 (Malaysian Legal System) at 10.30 a.m. Both were fine, and both subjects are taught by guy lecturers. The real process of teaching and learning will start on the second week, which is next week. Pray for me, ok?

Till then, xx

Home for the third time

Assalamualaikum!

Hello everyone! I know it's been ages since I last updated anything here. I was way too busy to socialize ewah ewah hehe. Actually I'm constantly on twitter and Instagram but it takes a lot of effort and time to write an entry on blogger. So that explains why this blog has been lacking of any updates recently. 

Anyways, I've registered myself into my bachelor program last Sunday in Uitm Shah Alam. Alhamdulillah, I am now a bachelor student in law school for four years from now. Sounds scary, no? Truth be told, I am way too scared to even think of the upcoming challenges that I have to face later on. I know in 4 years time, a heck lot of things can happen. I might end up changing my bachelor course if I'm not strong enough to face them. Na'uzubillahi waminzalik. 

Unfortunately, things in Shah Alam are a lot different from Kuantan. I know, each place that we go to, we'll have different memories and meet different people. But somehow I feel so sad that I don't have my friends that I used to back in Kuantan. Even sadder, I don't have anyone that I can really get along with. I do have friends from Kuantan in Shah Alam. A lot of them actually. But to really click with them, it takes time. My room consists of 4 persons, one of them is my acquaintance in Kuantan. The other 2 are complete strangers, and they are from lepasan diploma. And they are also 2 years older than we are. So it's somehow awkward to talk to them, like they are always busy with things. So I'm left with nothing to do but crying cause I'm lonely and I miss my family. 

And honest to God, on Tuesday, after we were done with the orientation and the introductory program, I was crying like a baby bcs I wanted to go home so badly. I texted my mum saying that I don't like being in Shah Alam. It was only a couple days since I got there. Bayangkanlah. And that evening, after I took my shower at 7, I left Uitm to go home. I had one class on Wednesday at 10.30 a.m, but I insisted on going home. That's how persistent I am, everyone. Mum knows me very well, so she asked me to come home. On Wednesday, after I finished my class at 12, I went back home by train. On Thursday morning, I had a session with the academic panel of law faculty at 11 a.m, so I left home with mum at 7 a.m. That's how crazy my life worked this whole week. I spent my Thursday night at my room in Shah Alam bcs I had morning class as early as 08.30 a.m yesterday. After I finished both classes at 11.15 a.m, I packed my things and went home.

I hope things will get better soon. Once I'm occupied with classes, I wouldn't be that homesick or whatever they call it lah. I HOPE ok. It's just sad that I am too weak to handle and adapt to changes and I don't even know why. I used to be so strong though. I've been having this fear of changes ever since primary school, when me and my family moved to Kajang and I had to be in a new school with boys. And I cried the whole week in class. Haiyerrr. Fragile amy is soooo fragile. When I first got into University, in Jengka, there's an orientation or they call it MDS (Minggu Destini Siswa) for a week, I forbade my mum to call me bcs whenever I heard her voice, I started to cry. It's like a poison to hear her voice. Even texting her was enough to put me into tears though, let alone talking to her on the phone. It was the hardest one week of my life, I'm not even kidding. 

I have no idea what to do to work my homesickness, or the precise word manja-ness. Hahaha. May Allah ease everything for me, and I hope that I'll be strong to face everything that's coming ahead of me. In sha Allah..

Till then, xx