Of my unstable emotions

Assalamualaikum everyone!

I'm in my room, sitting on my bed as I'm typing this. I had only one class at 1030 a.m this morning bcs the other two are tutorial classes & they won't be held until next month if I'm not mistaken. So here I am in my room, all alone. Two of my roommates are having classes, and the other one is washing her laundry in the bathroom.

Lately I've been feeling so low and sad, and I don't even have the answer to why this is happening to me. I guess it's bcs of the changes that I am having here. Everything is so.. DIFFERENT. I know & I admit, changes are good. Sometimes being different is better. But for me, I hate changes. Especially when I have to be independent and being apart from my friends. I feel sad. I cannot handle this.

Ever since I got here, I can count on one hand the nights that I spend in my room. Most of the nights, I'll be in Kajang & be with my family. Being the manja & clingy me, I would cry if I feel alone and if I miss my family. In my head, there's my lecturer's words when we were in kuantan, "kt shah alam nnti lg tough. Kalau you rase kuantan ni susah, kt sana lg susah. You kena rebut naik bas, penat jalan. Kena jd kuat baru boleh survive kt sana."

Now I know what she meant. She was here for 4 years, doing her degree and master both in Uitm shah alam. She said she was struggling her study years to survive here. Now, I somehow feel what she felt. Although it has just been 2 weeks since I got here. Kalau nk survive, kena jadi kuat. You have to be very very strong in order to compete and be among people. Otherwise, you'll be left out. You'll be left alone. I personally think that I'm not strong. Not strong enough to face this. Idk when I can start to accept and embrace everything, but I know that the "when" is not now.

Till then, pray for me xx